Social circles are groups of men and women around the same age who communicate, go out, and befriend each other. They plan and go to parties, socialize, and hang out together. For loners, having no social circle makes them look weird/like a loser which damages their confidence and ability to fit in socially.
These losers often have a mindset that nobody will accept them because aren’t socially connected. They know that they bring no value to new relationships and are afraid and embarrassed to share details of their lonely and friendless lives with other people.
Consequences of not having a social circle of friends to hang out with
Groups of friends are often portrayed in movies and popular culture, but not everyone in real life is so well connected. A large percentage of the adult population have no social circle. They may have a few independent friends or acquaintances, but they don’t all hang out together.
Many losers know a few people at work, and a few neighbours, but it’s a not a cohesive social group that hangs out in unison.
A lot of these so called "friends" are married or have social groups of their own and thus don’t provide any opportunity to hang out or socialize.
Remember: If a person isn't inviting you to hang out with
their friends they are embarrassed by you or have some other internal reason not
to want you around.
Having no social circle can limit your social life because you will have less of an opportunity to be a part of group activities. People without social groups of friends also may have trouble finding quality girlfriends or boyfriends. These people are only left looking for partners through online dating, which are often populated with people who are not socially connected themselves.
Excluded from a social circle because of a relationship break up
Sometimes a person is a member of a social group through their contact with their spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. If the
relationship breaks down (someone gets dumped, divorced, dies, moves away,
argument, etc), the person is left excluded from the circle of friends.
romantic relationships that break up often the less socially connected of the
couple is no longer welcome in the social circle (this is usually the guy). A
relationship breakup doesn’t just mean the loss of a boyfriend/girlfriend or
spouse; it’s often also the loss of a person’s friends and group social
activities as well. This phenomenon was discussed in Larry David’s Curb Your
Enthusiasm when upon splitting with his wife he discovered many of he friends
picked her over him. For many separated and divorced men, this is a real
problem. They not only lose their girlfriend or wife, they also are left without
a social life or male friends to hang out with.
Benefit and a Curse
Remember that if you’re looking to break into the social world (for whatever
reason), social circles are both a benefit and a curse. Not being a part of one can limit your opportunities and makes you feel excluded. If you manage to befriend someone who has a social circle you can be invited in and get an instant social life, but this can all disappear instantly when the relationship sours.
People who are frequently in and out of relationships often find their social life is like a roller coaster - all ups and downs. One minute they are invited along with their partner and having lots of fun, the next minute they are excluded entirely.
How to create your own social circle
A lot of adults have unstable social lives because they are dependent on one friendship or relationship. The only solution to this problem is to gain a stronger connection with more of the social circle’s members. This can be accomplished through:
Creating your own social circle instead of joining an existing one (by
throwing parties, planning events, outings, etc.;
- Building bonds with members of the social circles you are invited into
(even if to the exclusion of the person invited you in to begin with).
Highly social adults are active socially while loners are more passive. A loner waits to be invited along and doesn’t proactively form new bonds and friendships in situations of opportunity. People who have lots of friends are never lonely because their social lives don’t depend on just one or two people. They have numerous bonds and connections that are already established to rely on.
If you’re a loser without a social circle then you likely waste situations of opportunity. People with average and above average social skills take advantage of being invited into new social groups. In such moments they actively form friendships with the new people do they are not dependent on the person who invited them in. They become independently connected.
A lot of self help material is premised on the assumption that you have a social circle
A lot of losers looking to break into the social world and establish a social life for themselves will search online for help. Unfortunately, a lot of the social skills related self help material assumes you have a social circle to begin with.
These people will try to teach you how to act at a party, when what is really needed is advice on how to create and get invited to parties. They assume you are alright able to go out with friends and socialize, when most losers are stuck at home by themselves. They have nobody texting or calling them asking them to hang out. They don’t have a group of friends that goes out every weekend.
Most socially isolated people have moments of opportunity but simply don’t know how to capitalize on them. Being invited in is only the first step. You need to be proactive and form individual friendships and bonds to become an accepted member of a social circle. By doing this you will be able to secure a stable social life for yourself.