Free advice for adults on how to make friends and become more social.

Why do people flake out on plans?

One of the forms in which loners frequently experience rejection is by having other people “flake out” or ditch plans with them (often at the last minute).

Socially wanted individuals rarely have people flake on them, and when it happens it is for legitimate reasons. For the loner, this is a normal social experience that comes with being someone who is rejected by society.

People flake on you because they see you as someone who has very little value, and often because someone else they feel is better has invited them to do something

If you are someone who is socially rejected, flaking typically occurs because the person who you had plans with does not really want to be with you. This may stem from just a basic disinterest in you or because they found something or someone they would prefer to be with more (who is better looking, more successful/wealthy, more socially connected, etc.). Often people will arrange plans without truly being serious about it or as a “back up plan” in hopes that a better offer of companionship will present itself.

In the vast majority of cases, the flaking is caused because somebody else has made an offer to see the person you made plans with and the person you has plans with feels the other person better than you are. If you had the ability to go through the phone of the person who is flaking on you, you would see that a third party (other guy/girl) is the true reason they suddenly lack interest in you. This is a statistically proven fact.

Flaking normally takes the following forms:

  1. The person stops replying immediately on the day you were supposed to get together

  2. The person will text at the last minute to give an excuse as to why she/he can no longer see you

Typical excuses people who flake on you use because they found a better plan or person to be with will use:

  1. They lie claiming they are sick or suddenly not feeling well

  2. They claim a fake emergency that came up, often involving a relative or third party you do not know

  3. They will say they are too tired after a long day to do anything

The vast majority of the time, these excuses are lies to cover up the fact that the person has found “better” plans or simply is just not interested in spending time with you. You notice they often will slow down in replying to texts, not initiate contact, or give show/vague responses to text messages before the excuse is given.

For the socially rejected, this is a slow and painful process that ultimately leaves them with nothing to do at the last minute. The alternative to this process is that the person just simply stops replying altogether without explanation.

A person who flaked on me is suddenly talking to me again out of the blue/nowhere

This behavior is typical of someone who rejected you in order to pursue another option they considered to be better. Often that other option fails so they later instigate contact again with you (the weak target) to try to seek some form of attention after they themselves were rejected. One of the above excuses was probably initially provided for the flaking.

The socially rejected loner suddenly becomes valuable to boost the ego of the flaker while he/she once again seeks a new and better option (thus the cycle repeats itself over and over). This is painful for the rejected loser who once again is brought a false sense of hope. If the loser went through the phone of the flaking person they would immediately understand why they were flaked on.

The reject would discover that another person made an offer and the flaker focused on that other person exclusively. As such, and without regard for the loner's time or feelings (which are deemed worthless), they stopped replying or canceled plans at the last minute by providing a lie as an excuse.

People are disrespectfully flaking on you because they see you as trash that does not deserve respect.

In their mind, you do not deserve their time or affection, they do not care about you at all, and your time is not worth them telling you they are canceling you so can make other plans

Human social nature is often very cruel. The reason people flake on loners is because they don’t value their time or respect them as human beings. They see you as someone who can provide virtually nothing to them and treat you correspondingly. You may have some worth by providing a little validation or attention when they are feeling down/despressed or perhaps you have resources they think maybe they may need someday (like a car to drive them to see other people, or money to spend on them as they pursue people that they value). When the person they wish would reply is ignoring them, they have a limited interest in you (for attention only).

Socially isolated and rejected adults put up with this because they wrongly give these people the benefit of the doubt out of their own personal desperation.

After years of this sort of rejection, many loners will give up and stop trying to make friends and fit in. Instead, they turn to other activities such as overeating, or alcohol or drug abuse to derive pleasure. This is reflected in the weight gain commonly seen in adult losers.

Social Skills Guide

   Adult Social Skills Training

Friendship Making

How to make friends
How to meet people
How to hang out with people

Loner Experiences

Facebook depressing
Everyone else is busy
Slow responses to texts
"I have no friends"
Indicators of social rejection
Depressed by old pictures
People don't initiate contact
Having no social circle
Fat people with no friends
Never invited places
Lonely people who stop trying
Aging and friendlessness
Fears and problems
Rejection by flaking
Dating: men vs. women

Identity and Backgrounds

Typical loner profiles
Hiding lack of a social life
How to spot a loner
MGTOW and rejection
IQ Boasting
Alcholism and isolation

HTML Comment Box is loading comments...
    Home  |  Privacy  |  Contact  |  Social Skills Guide                                                                                         ©2014. All Rights Reserved.